02-25-2014, 02:32 AM
If only I could show her how Line break seems awkwardly placed
I feel now; years allowed for twists and turns
with innocent mistakes not sure if you need the 'with'
and lessons learned. again I feel the 'and' could be dropped
She wiped sweet sweat off of my brow, 'off my brow'?
and caught my falls, with maternal vow.
Her hands once soft with love and care
now crack and split: my heart despairs! hearts despair could also work
The blood that trickles from those hands
should not leave them red, for life demands:
no wrongs committed, only love, no need for a comma when 'and' follows
and I hold them now with God above. [b]
I feel now; years allowed for twists and turns
with innocent mistakes not sure if you need the 'with'
and lessons learned. again I feel the 'and' could be dropped
She wiped sweet sweat off of my brow, 'off my brow'?
and caught my falls, with maternal vow.
Her hands once soft with love and care
now crack and split: my heart despairs! hearts despair could also work
The blood that trickles from those hands
should not leave them red, for life demands:
no wrongs committed, only love, no need for a comma when 'and' follows
and I hold them now with God above. [b]