02-24-2014, 02:47 PM
Thanks, geoff,
The idea which I guess does not come across well, is this is basically advise to not waste ones time trying to reason with these three types of people. The first is the subject changer, the second is the person who draws in upon them selves, appearing hurt in some way, The third is the the one who can't be confronted because they have a defense to what ever you say. Each is described with the opening "Contend you not..."
I could easily incorporate the commas, and will.
The first line I could write as "Contend not with the untrained mind," but as this is a sonnet it requires two more syllables, thus the "you" and "then". Which I agree is poor, but I cannot leave the lines at four feet.
"another adjective could possibly go before "mind"" In this case I would have to disagree as we are talking about someone who in provincial and uneducated, but very much believes what he believes and will not be swayed from it.
With "Contend you not with those too eas’ly hurt,"
I think I could change it to "Contend not with those too easily hurt,"
but that does throw the meter doesn't it?
"the "all" felt like a filler word to me"
Yes, probably true in that it is slightly redundant, but generally I am OK with it as it can be read as extremely impregnable. That is to say, a out of all the errors here, this bother's me less than most, and if I could get the other errors to that level I think I could live with the poem. I think we both know that this will never approach a perfect poem form wise. However, I do think the content is worthy as a father's advise to his child about what kinds of people to not waste ones time on.
for a poem that really strays from the verb "to be", I disliked it being used here. "can't be" isn't very helpful as a phrase. Even just saying something like "The coin of proverbs never give' or spent" would give a similar effect in a slightly stronger way for me
Originally it read
"The coin of proverbs can’t be given or spent,
On those who desire wisdom only to rent."
Which I think is much more clear, but did not fit the form, so I altered it. It's quite strange, I am no great writer of sonnets, however, I do not generally have too much difficulty turning one out well, but this one has bedeviled me form the start, and the more I work with it the worse it gets. Quite perplexing really.
Anyway, thanks for the input, should you have anything else to say on the matter, I am all ears.
Dale
The idea which I guess does not come across well, is this is basically advise to not waste ones time trying to reason with these three types of people. The first is the subject changer, the second is the person who draws in upon them selves, appearing hurt in some way, The third is the the one who can't be confronted because they have a defense to what ever you say. Each is described with the opening "Contend you not..."
I could easily incorporate the commas, and will.
The first line I could write as "Contend not with the untrained mind," but as this is a sonnet it requires two more syllables, thus the "you" and "then". Which I agree is poor, but I cannot leave the lines at four feet.
"another adjective could possibly go before "mind"" In this case I would have to disagree as we are talking about someone who in provincial and uneducated, but very much believes what he believes and will not be swayed from it.
With "Contend you not with those too eas’ly hurt,"
I think I could change it to "Contend not with those too easily hurt,"
but that does throw the meter doesn't it?
"the "all" felt like a filler word to me"
Yes, probably true in that it is slightly redundant, but generally I am OK with it as it can be read as extremely impregnable. That is to say, a out of all the errors here, this bother's me less than most, and if I could get the other errors to that level I think I could live with the poem. I think we both know that this will never approach a perfect poem form wise. However, I do think the content is worthy as a father's advise to his child about what kinds of people to not waste ones time on.
for a poem that really strays from the verb "to be", I disliked it being used here. "can't be" isn't very helpful as a phrase. Even just saying something like "The coin of proverbs never give' or spent" would give a similar effect in a slightly stronger way for me
Originally it read
"The coin of proverbs can’t be given or spent,
On those who desire wisdom only to rent."
Which I think is much more clear, but did not fit the form, so I altered it. It's quite strange, I am no great writer of sonnets, however, I do not generally have too much difficulty turning one out well, but this one has bedeviled me form the start, and the more I work with it the worse it gets. Quite perplexing really.
Anyway, thanks for the input, should you have anything else to say on the matter, I am all ears.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.