02-21-2014, 05:30 AM
Tom,
I feel as though I fell down the rabbit hole, and stupidly drank the bottle that said drink me. But onward and downward with the critique, such as it is. This poem reminds me of an opera, which had a story for the sole purpose of being a vehicle for all the songs. In this case replace songs with puns, double entendre, et al, and I think you have basically the same thing. It seems so invested in being clever that it forgets to do much else.
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Well, into the breach, or maybe onto the beach? I'm not quite sure which.
So let me get this straight
"Sugared rim, that Margherita (a daisy) grits then slips
in to a honeyed hirondelle (swallow) , a swallow gulped,"
So a daisy gives you a sugared rim job (were you out in the field taking a dump and just decided to make use of the poor flower for your own gratification?) and then a yellow-brown breasted swallow eats it?
I'm still not sure why "a swallow gulped, a warm white dove" wouldn't that be a form of cannibalism? Are you turning into Milo?
Tom Kaboom,
What shrooms
were you on?
"fallacy" "phallus" I think we know the only fallacy here is that you still have one that can stand on its own.
Well in the final analysis, whatever catamaran you're on, I'd certainly like to take a trip on it, just as long as I don't have to answer any question from the guardian of the bridge about swallows!
"Tit wouldn't do it, in spite of erthona's obsessional transference of his thoughts on to mine"
Tit for tat...it does get under the skin!
Dale
I feel as though I fell down the rabbit hole, and stupidly drank the bottle that said drink me. But onward and downward with the critique, such as it is. This poem reminds me of an opera, which had a story for the sole purpose of being a vehicle for all the songs. In this case replace songs with puns, double entendre, et al, and I think you have basically the same thing. It seems so invested in being clever that it forgets to do much else.
--------------------------------------------------------
Well, into the breach, or maybe onto the beach? I'm not quite sure which.
So let me get this straight
"Sugared rim, that Margherita (a daisy) grits then slips
in to a honeyed hirondelle (swallow) , a swallow gulped,"
So a daisy gives you a sugared rim job (were you out in the field taking a dump and just decided to make use of the poor flower for your own gratification?) and then a yellow-brown breasted swallow eats it?
I'm still not sure why "a swallow gulped, a warm white dove" wouldn't that be a form of cannibalism? Are you turning into Milo?
Tom Kaboom,
What shrooms
were you on?
"fallacy" "phallus" I think we know the only fallacy here is that you still have one that can stand on its own.
Well in the final analysis, whatever catamaran you're on, I'd certainly like to take a trip on it, just as long as I don't have to answer any question from the guardian of the bridge about swallows!
"Tit wouldn't do it, in spite of erthona's obsessional transference of his thoughts on to mine"
Tit for tat...it does get under the skin!
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.