Cocktail Edit1.0. For ellajam mostly

[ellajam]

Hi, I'm enjoying this, so much so clear but some confusion too. Thanks for posting it, really fun to read. Here are a few notes.

Well titled.

Bitter-sweet, neat contrivance, a cocktail mix of potioned love. I like potioned even if spellcheck doesn't.
Ice and lemon? Sugared rim, that Margherita grits then slips My Margheritas are salt rimmed, but I guess it could be sugar. I like grit/slip
in to a honeyed hirondelle, a swallow gulped, a warm white dove, I'm not sure you need the space between in and to, slips does it. Love the honeyed hirondelle, the two swallows, although white dove is a bit cliche I like it here.
a fallacy that trickles deep...a throat so wide, with cushioned lips, unmistakable image
to seal around that other phallus, stirred and risen by the sign. I'm confused here, did I miss the first phallus that this is the other one? I've gone looking for it but can't find it . For me this didn't work the way people say "the other head". I'm also not sure what you mean by the sign.
Here is the heart and here the passion, supped from finger-printed glass;
spirited, the blood spurts headward. Strangely by some grand design,
thoughts contrarily lack credence; indulgences of flesh surpass
even the need for Margherita, or one more sweet Madeira wine. I'm still thinking about the end lines, I know I like the addition of sweet Madeira.
tectak
Oban
2014

Go, Oban.