triolet

[milo]

"I met the reason of my heart"

I met the reason of my heart.
His lips alone undressed my soul.
We crawl through hands and so it starts,
I met the reason of my heart.
Complacence drinks our sacred art
as two make one and now we're whole.
I met the reason of my heart.
His lips alone undressed my soul.

I wonder about the tense confusion, there doesn't seem to be much purpose to it.

The weakest line is "Complacence drinks our sacred art"

Lines with so much abstraction just read like too much throwaway in the tight structure required for a triolet.

You may also consider a "turn" as the repetends read just like repetends.

Thanks for posting.

Hmm, if the author of the poem established a meaning for the abstract line, perhaps then it would only be obscure and deep instead of being "throwaway"?

I think it would be pretty difficult to fit a foundation for a line like "Complacence drinks our sacred art" in a triolet but I would love to see it happen. In this case, it didn't. The truth is, that spot in a triolet is the perfect time to establish the "turn" so the next set of repetends has a slightly different meaning.

Anyway, the author might find it more useful if you comment on the poem rather than on the comments I already gave.