Damaged.
#7
(07-16-2013, 12:10 PM)TheNotoriousLmc Wrote:  When I wake, I feel nothing but remorse, by lunch, I’m too sick to eat, and by dinner I’ve broken down in tears just wanting everything to be different.
This line could use a semicolon: remorse; by lunch, I'm too sick too eat; and by dinner...

Other than that, this is poetry! It speaks from the heart, and I can tell by the rhythm and intensity that it was likely inspired and written out all at once. It's pretty much the way I write, to express emotions that I otherwise keep hidden away from the world, and the only trouble with this form is that it requires editing. I agree with the above poster that spacing out your lines a little more would add some pizzaz to your poetry, instead of the words in a dense paragraph flowing together in the mind, like this paragraph here.
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Messages In This Thread
Damaged. - by TheNotoriousLmc - 07-16-2013, 12:10 PM
RE: Damaged. - by PAX - 02-09-2014, 10:37 AM
RE: Damaged. - by Lock Key - 02-09-2014, 12:21 PM
RE: Damaged. - by Sheep - 02-11-2014, 06:59 PM
RE: Damaged. - by ChristopherSea - 02-11-2014, 08:50 PM
RE: Damaged. - by 5th Flow Boy - 02-17-2014, 02:19 PM
RE: Damaged. - by kindofahippy - 02-18-2014, 02:07 AM
RE: Damaged. - by DobbysSockk - 03-15-2014, 07:42 PM
RE: Damaged. - by MadisonDiem - 03-16-2014, 08:49 AM
RE: Damaged. - by Hermit - 03-16-2014, 01:10 PM
RE: Damaged. - by WordJunky - 03-16-2014, 08:16 PM
RE: Damaged. - by denniswilson - 04-07-2014, 05:34 AM
RE: Damaged. - by Thoughtjotter - 04-07-2014, 02:28 PM



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