02-11-2014, 04:35 AM
once again i am late on the old critique and good points already made. i will reiterate that it is unclear your position whether positive or negative with regards to your ninja. some of the lines were simply confusing. and to be quite honest, i didn't really get a lot of it.
having said that, i kind of like what it could be. i am not sure if it is supposed to be comical (again, there seemed to be no clarity of intention) but i assumed it was meant to be funny. the word ninja is just a funny word and just funny, i dont know why. (the mighty boosh episode whereby the cool one has a magazine so cool that it is delivered every month by ninjas
); i cannot really give much advice here, because on the one hand it is like one of those really bad horror films which is so bad it is actually good, and thus i would say just leave it as it is (but maybe polish up the spelling and some other little things); on the other hand, it IS pretty bad and unless you are confident that you have the self-awareness to go off-road like this, maybe you should take note of the other comments above and revise it quite severely.
having said that, i kind of like what it could be. i am not sure if it is supposed to be comical (again, there seemed to be no clarity of intention) but i assumed it was meant to be funny. the word ninja is just a funny word and just funny, i dont know why. (the mighty boosh episode whereby the cool one has a magazine so cool that it is delivered every month by ninjas
); i cannot really give much advice here, because on the one hand it is like one of those really bad horror films which is so bad it is actually good, and thus i would say just leave it as it is (but maybe polish up the spelling and some other little things); on the other hand, it IS pretty bad and unless you are confident that you have the self-awareness to go off-road like this, maybe you should take note of the other comments above and revise it quite severely.