Pieces of you

[Erthona]

I'm all for extending a metaphor, but I think this one snapped half-way through. The problem is that your metaphor is based on the idea of pieces (which I think is kind of bizarre), but then you introduce it as different kinds of pieces. Something cannot be a puzzle piece, have a seam, and be construction material, the poem just becomes senseless because whatever it is you are trying to describe keeps morphing into something different. It would be like trying to make your metaphor "fruit". Saying our love is like fruit, like an apple because it is sweet, but like an orange because it is tart. A metaphor allows you to use one thing as a symbol for something else, not somethings else. Pieces cannot be used as a symbol for something else, as it is not a thing, but the condition of a thing. When you use pieces, you say, our love (or ourselves in this case) is like "the condition of a thing when it is in parts".

As to rhymes: This is meant to be in rhyming couplets, that is, the end word of every two consecutive lines will rhyme with each other. The first couplet you try to rhyme "you" with "you", putting the same word twice is not a rhyme. Here are the rest of your couplets:

nose/toes
match/laugh
together/closer
seem/between
souls/stones
be/free
I think "me" was meant to rhyme with "complete", and walls was just the odd man out. There are three actual rhymes, one off rhyme, and one instance of alliteration; enough of a pattern to indicate that these were meant to be couplets. As the writer was able to get above 50% of these correct, I will assume they know what rhymes and what does not, and suggest they pay closer attention, so that what they write actually is a rhyme when it is meant to be.

Evidently the writer has some ear for poetry as there are pieces of meter scattered throughout as well as the afore mentioned rhymes.

Dale