02-11-2014, 12:17 AM
I think you could maybe work at finding better rhymes. Some are fine, but some are really a stretch. It has some nice imagery, and reminds me of something from Rumi:
The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
Just my humble opinion.
The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
Just my humble opinion.