02-09-2014, 10:37 AM
Dear TheNotoriousLmc,
Why wouldn't this count as a poem? You have a particular way of describing things, some repetitive, but it gives your writing emphasis. I like how you started with "I sit here..." but then change to "I sit there..." It felt like a transition from a subjective point of view to one more objective. Very fitting title. My only suggestion would be to try to identify where you feel a natural break should be and start a new line. For instance, where you use ellipses (...) try starting the next word in a new line to see if it reads more how you thought it. Thanks for sharing your post!!
PAX
Why wouldn't this count as a poem? You have a particular way of describing things, some repetitive, but it gives your writing emphasis. I like how you started with "I sit here..." but then change to "I sit there..." It felt like a transition from a subjective point of view to one more objective. Very fitting title. My only suggestion would be to try to identify where you feel a natural break should be and start a new line. For instance, where you use ellipses (...) try starting the next word in a new line to see if it reads more how you thought it. Thanks for sharing your post!!
PAX