The Little Things

[71degrees]

I like the imagery here. The enjambment going on in the second stanza with "empty plate" and "middle" was really nice. The way you switched between images felt very cinematic to me, not entirely sure why, but each image felt like a cut in a movie scene. In the third stanza I liked the flow from white -> soft hat -> bird ... nest ->chicken soup, all the images play really well off one another.

I think the title doesn't really add much, only because you end the first stanza with the same phrase. Not that it takes away from the poem, I reckon the repetition may have been purposeful, but if so its affect was lost on me. "this aging couple, they love each other; " This line feels a bit too sentimental imo. I like your revised ending better then your original though i'm still not sure i'f im sold. JMHO JHMO thnx for sharing

Makeshift: Thanks. I write theatre. I try to blend some of the technique into certain poems. Your response tells me I'm on the right track. I agree about the title. I rarely use the real titles w/my posted poems.

You are also the second person who commented about "…they love each other" line. May have to revisit this. Again, thanks.