Virtuality

[cidermaid]

Hi shenaz,

I'm not sure i have really got much out of this one to get me wanting to keep comming back for more...and for me this is a marker of a good write.
There seems to be a lot of repitition with the Sea/ ocean images that I do not think work in such a short poem. I amactually struggling to get a solid image for the read as a whole. Will offer what the lines speak to me below.

Standing in the Ocean The standing gives me - perseverance, inner strength and commitment. The ocean - smallness, isolation, insignificance.
I eat my hair No idea what this is meant to convey apart from it is windy
In the sea of loneliness I think you could loose this whole line it does not say anything new to me that the first line has not supplied
Staring at the shore of solitude This line is at best mediocre, (sorry just being honest to how I have read it) but it could also be taken as a repitition of the sentiments of the first line, so could again be axed. I suspect that you might be going for a depresion image - a sort of ship to shore looking through the telescope the wrong way round
The rain cries in the heat For me these last two lines are the poem and I would encourage you to explore where this might lead you if you make this your first line. I did this recently in the mentoring section with Todd and it yielded some surprising results and was a great exercise
Gasoline bleeds on the Tarmac, forming the colours of my soul.

Hope these thoughts might be of some help.
all the best AJ.