Heroic Crown of Sonnets (Another Activity)
#50
(02-07-2014, 06:53 PM)billy Wrote:  We cannot earn the luck, or curse of birth
these designations; labels placed on us
will not control our stride across this earth.
We'll pave the path we walk with work, and cuss;
a shower of expletives, or a finger
raised to show that we don't give a fuck.
When pandjandrum pull us through the wringer.
When obligations ride within our truck.

At times the fear of facing life with verve
can split the very fibre of a fart.
It's then we have to break the painful nerve
and share the shit that's ripping us apart.
Though we owe nought, and to us nought is sought
the one that freely gives is seldom bought.


i tried a few things with the meter and hope it's still seen as iambic pent.
i wasn't sure with if panjandrum has a plural Sad

The next sonnet opens with this line:

the one that freely gives is seldom bought.
Billy, panjandrums or panjandra is plural, so if you change it to one of the two, you can leave the verb as 'pull'. Thumbsup Cheers/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by Leanne - 01-27-2014, 07:31 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by trueenigma - 01-27-2014, 07:43 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by milo - 01-27-2014, 07:45 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by billy - 01-27-2014, 12:13 PM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by trueenigma - 01-27-2014, 12:19 PM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by milo - 01-27-2014, 07:41 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by cidermaid - 01-27-2014, 07:51 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by trueenigma - 01-27-2014, 08:46 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by milo - 01-27-2014, 08:47 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by ellajam - 01-27-2014, 10:41 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by milo - 01-27-2014, 10:51 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by trueenigma - 01-27-2014, 10:54 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by milo - 01-27-2014, 10:58 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by trueenigma - 01-27-2014, 11:07 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by trueenigma - 01-27-2014, 02:48 PM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by ellajam - 01-27-2014, 11:02 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by milo - 01-27-2014, 11:06 AM
RE: Sonnets (Another Activity) - by billy - 01-27-2014, 04:40 PM
RE: Heroic Crown of Sonnets (Another Activity) - by just mercedes - 01-30-2014, 10:35 AM
RE: Heroic Crown of Sonnets (Another Activity) - by just mercedes - 01-31-2014, 05:10 AM
RE: Heroic Crown of Sonnets (Another Activity) - by just mercedes - 01-31-2014, 05:24 AM
RE: Heroic Crown of Sonnets (Another Activity) - by ChristopherSea - 02-07-2014, 07:24 PM
RE: Heroic Crown of Sonnets (Another Activity) - by just mercedes - 02-07-2014, 09:42 PM



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