Lying in my room

[Humbert]

Ah, we both have the same situation it seems. Books overflow our living space, music giving us advice to do things a certain way or to boost our morale in a certain sense. We have things that try to define what we are, what we have done, but yet in the mirror we are still utter strangers to ourselves. I'm not a fan of the F word, so I'd remove that word in the last line. But that's my opinion. This poem would be pretty cool if you wrote more metaphorically. I assume your saying your a stranger with among trademarks that have partially defined you. Why not break it down even more and say something like "My trophy says I've won/this race that was never run" etc etc. But that's my two cents. Overall it's a very good piece.

Thanks for the feedback, though I caution you against assuming that a poem written in the first person is about the author I appreciate your comments

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Hi Humbert

are all the words needed. try to make it less of you telling a story show us a few things as well
not a bad effort, it seems like a lot but i doubt an edit would take too long. there's a decent poem here waiting for your love

thanks for the read

Posters fill the olive suede-textured walls,
and books that I like occupy wooden shelves.
My favorite music plays right beside my ear,
and I am quick to take its advice. what advice, this line feels like you know what it means, but it leaves the reader thinking wtf, a suggestion would be to give it some context
My closet overflows with my very own look; a suggestion would be [the] to start the line and [personality] instead of [very own look] add what type of personality, crazy, sexy, prissy etc
I’ve worked so hard to make it mine.
Works of art (my favorites!) do you mean [faovorite works of art]? we know they're yours you told us with the closet line and study desk lines, let the reader assume
are pinned to a cork-board that hangs
above my study desk.
Upon my dresser, my accomplishments change one of the my's
boast my merit and define my pride. for me, this is the end line. it sort of sums up what the poem is all about
I don’t fucking know me. for me, this line isn't needed. we're okay on the site with expletives but for some reason it doesn't ring as real.

Thanks for the comments billy! I did consider taking out some of the very words you suggested; I don't know why I kept some of them. I didn't include what the advice of the music was because I was hoping that the context of the poem might create the sense that it doesn't matter what the advice is. I guess that isn't clear enough if one looks at the poem formally, so I'll have to figure out a way to make it work.

As for the last line, I personally found it the most important line, and it was even the first line I actually wrote I'm not sure that without it the poem would get the message across that the line delivers.

Thanks a lot for the feedback