Pieces of you
#2
Here's my breakdown of the poem line-for-line.
(02-06-2014, 10:27 PM)nhanna1223 Wrote:  While stealing glimpses of you,
I realized that the pieces of me, are the pieces of you.[I like this line, but I'm having a difficult time deciding what it means. You know what it means, but I can't get inside your head to interpret it.]

Same face, eyes, ears and nose.[I like listed items like this in poems.]
Slender body and little toes.
Our sense of humor seems to match.
The way we walk, the way we laugh.[Is "The way we walk" necessary in this line? How does walking relate to the sense of humor?]

Still trying to put this puzzle together,
So ours hearts can mend and we can grow closer. ["Our hearts" not "ours hearts"]
We've been torn from seam to seam,
the puzzle pieces fell somewhere in between. [I like this line, but what does it mean? How were you torn "seam to seam"?]

Holes were formed inside our souls,
building walls with sticks and stones.[Does this mean you were cut off from each other with figurative "walls" you put up? Why sticks and stones?]
Who knows, where these pieces could possibly be. [I don't think there should be a comma after "Who knows." If the last line of the stanza is a continuation of this line, you should not end this line with a period.]
To fill the voids, and set us free.[This means the pieces will fill the void between you and the subject and set you both free? What will you be free from?]

The pieces of you are the pieces of me, [I like how this line is a reverse of the line in the first stanza.]
so lets break down these walls,
make this puzzle complete.
I tried to be clear in my feedback, but it's difficult because I'm new to critiquing poetry. I like your poem, but as I noted above, some things seem unclear to me. Maybe that's because I think too much about some things and then I get confused. It may be clear to other readers. Otherwise, great poem! Keep up the good work and keep posting more poems. Smile
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Messages In This Thread
Pieces of you - by nhanna1223 - 02-06-2014, 10:27 PM
RE: Pieces of you - by ralex003 - 02-07-2014, 11:46 AM
RE: Pieces of you - by gpiper - 02-10-2014, 02:53 PM
RE: Pieces of you - by alatos - 02-11-2014, 12:17 AM
RE: Pieces of you - by Erthona - 02-11-2014, 04:03 AM
RE: Pieces of you - by screenmutt - 02-18-2014, 09:57 PM
RE: Pieces of you - by Daacobra - 03-17-2014, 07:19 PM
RE: Pieces of you - by chrisgas - 03-20-2014, 07:58 AM



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