Sonnet

[Arachnid_Poet]

Billy, thanks for the suggestion. I think when I copied it, some of my lines got messed up somehow. A few lines didn't come out I wrote them on paper? I'm going to revise it though. I'm going to discard most of it, but not all of it and I spent a month with Mercedes working on the sonnet. It took me awhile to get the hang of meter and now that I've gotten better with it, it's time to make another Phoenix rise from some ashes. By easy, I just meant don't call it trashy or anything. Good, honest feedback is important to me.

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Hi, AP, welcome,

I feel your pain, I'm just learning to write sonnets too, and it's as if I can write in form (mostly) or I can write a poem but can't do both at once. I'm hoping if I keep writing bad sonnets eventually a poem will come through one.

Suggestions:

Post and edit the hell out of them. People here have been very generous with their time and expertise pulling mine along.

Read Leanne's intro on the sonnet practice thread, and read her many sonnets here.

Listen for IP, it's all over.

Good luck to both of us.

that's right best of luck to both of us! I've been writing for about 10 years but I never attempted meter, sonnets, triolets, etc etc in those 10 years. It's tough but worth it in the end.

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Sonnet to Crush

I long to share a starry crush with you;
Before I clean these eyes with secrecy,
Nocturnal soul disarms romance in who
I taint my heart with beats of jealousy.
Adonis follows him eternally
Attach angelic summons tracing flesh
As cupid fades with star struck tragedy
Depart with lucid flame set to confess
And we decay hereafter nonetheless
As I ascend a tomb of silent screams
Soft rainbows blanket our dissolved caress
arachnids web whatever is our last dream
Pernicious Nightshade withers in with me
Awhirl within content epiphany



**this is my first sonnet I ever wrote. Go easy on me.**

I won't go over the whole thing line by line, i can see it has already been given a thorough going over. And you have explicitly asked to "go easy" on you, in which case just a reiteration of the previous comment.

It is somewhat confusing, and I suspect this is because the poem is about, possibly the most worn out subject a poem can be about, love. I have no idea how long you have been writing poetry (you said this is your first sonnet, which could be an indication), but it is the great irony that the most difficult subjects to write good or original or even half decent poetry about are the subjects the new or newish poets seem compelled to address. Namely, love, death, god, sex (and the weather, for some reason)etc. in which case, what is weakest in your poem (the almost relentless mess of words inexplicably shat on the page) also indicates that you are aware that the subject itself is a cliche, which could be your greatest strength. Now all you have to do is make it make sense (sense in the broadest sense).

I've been writing for about 10 years and in that time, I never attempted meter, sonnets, the whole nine yards. I wrote prose mainly. Now that I am trying to learn to write sonnets and meter and such, it's a challenge but worthwhile if you stick with it. Thanks for taking the time to read it! And thanks so much for the honest feedback!!!