Sonnet

[billy]

hi AC
we try not to go easy on people, we only try to go honest on them :J:

if this is your first sonnet, then it's extremely well done, you have an odd line where the meter fails, but the rhyme and meter are almost spot on. [flesh/confess scream/dreams ] is a struggle though it looks like it's from the pen of someone who's written a few at least.

to the poem...
i think the first reply the poem got said what needed to be said so i've point out the things that really affect me as the reader. it's to busy crush in the first line and the title weakens them both.

use some punctuation; periods before caps etc. not all lines need a capitol letter though i know it can be a choice. unless the poem is great it weakens the poem.

welcome to the site and thanks for the read.

Sonnet to Crush

I long to share a starry crush with you; i understand what you mean but it doesn't read to well,
Before I clean these eyes with secrecy,
Nocturnal soul disarms romance in who if it's a question give it a ? if it isn't don't form it as a question.
I taint my heart with beats of jealousy. i quite like this line, it shows you know you're affescted [not you the 1st person]
Adonis follows him eternally
Attach angelic summons tracing flesh this line is a struggle, take some of the smootering out, there's way to much going on.
As cupid fades with star struck tragedy
Depart with lucid flame set to confess
And we decay hereafter nonetheless
As I ascend a tomb of silent screams
Soft rainbows blanket our dissolved caress
arachnids web whatever is our last dream half a foot to much, a suggestion would be to remove last.
Pernicious Nightshade withers in with me
Awhirl within content epiphany



**this is my first sonnet I ever wrote. Go easy on me.**