Sonnet

[Arachnid_Poet]

Impressive for a first sonnet! I have a lot of problem with your abstractions though - I can't picture what you're talking about, and it bugs me. I like the way you've managed to stay within the bounds of rhyme and meter, but it bothers me that I still don't know what the heck you're talking about.

Sonnet to Crush

I long to share a starry crush with you; [why not a pie and peas, or something I can see?]
Before I clean these eyes with secrecy, [makes no sense to me ]
Nocturnal soul disarms romance in who [whom? Whose nocturnal soul are you discussing?]]
I taint my heart with beats of jealousy. [not making sense again]
Adonis follows him eternally [I can see this! Yay!]
Attach angelic summons tracing flesh [if Adonis is acting, this should be attaches - but how can a summons trace flesh?]
As cupid fades with star struck tragedy [if Adonis rates a capital letter, so should Cupid. Star-struck needs a hyphen]
Depart with lucid flame set to confess [who or what departs? confusing]
And we decay hereafter nonetheless
As I ascend a tomb of silent screams [ascend to? an air tomb?]
Soft rainbows blanket our dissolved caress [wtf is a dissolved caress?]
arachnids web whatever is our last dream [this line's meter doesn't scan]
Pernicious Nightshade withers in with me [that's another image I can see, finally!]
Awhirl within content epiphany [again - wtf is content epiphany?]



**this is my first sonnet I ever wrote. Go easy on me.**

There's barely a noun without an adjective, and I think this is a response by you to the form, same as all the little filler words 'as' 'and' etc - there to pick up a gap in the meter, and not necessary to the meaning of the poem.

You have worked hard to get the rhyme and meter schemes working, but at the cost of the message. It's a great start though, so keep working at it. Don't feel you have to justify anything you've done, just think about what I'm saying in my comments. Ignore them if they don't help you.

If you revise, please post the revision on top of the original, so readers can see where and how the changes came about. This helps everyone!

thanks for the feedback! I will revise it for sure! Just give me some time