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[DominoMan]

Could you quote where the flow seems forced, or off please?

The line Billy mentioned above, which is a large part of the poem also
"I think of you so often that it fills me full of riches"

i think you should try economizing on words like That, So, This and the likes.

"I think of you often, it fills me with riches"

Sometimes, the use of that and this brings about a nursery rhymeish kinda feel to it. That is why I said, the deep plot and the flow of words didnt seem to go well together at so me parts.