i know or presume they're lyrics from your nic 
that doesn't mean that line or phrase repetition is a must. a suggestion would be to keep any repetition for any chorus you come up with. in that instance it would class as a refrain, often a refrain would come at the beginning or end of a stanza but seldom in a couplet.
feeling so free...reads as forced
feeling free ...no so much
And I promise you that I can handle all of the rest
would read better as
I promise you I can handle the rest.
padded lines may sound okay in a song but as a poem not so much.
the above can be done with more of the lines but it all depends how
far you want to go.
i'd suggest swapping a fair bit of out for more original lines, music doesn't have to be cliche or generic (a lot here is cliché and generic. ) make it personal.
the rhymes aren't great, some are missing and the others are expected.
thanks for the read.
thanks for the read.
that doesn't mean that line or phrase repetition is a must. a suggestion would be to keep any repetition for any chorus you come up with. in that instance it would class as a refrain, often a refrain would come at the beginning or end of a stanza but seldom in a couplet.
feeling so free...reads as forced
feeling free ...no so much
And I promise you that I can handle all of the rest
would read better as
I promise you I can handle the rest.
padded lines may sound okay in a song but as a poem not so much.
the above can be done with more of the lines but it all depends how
far you want to go.
i'd suggest swapping a fair bit of out for more original lines, music doesn't have to be cliche or generic (a lot here is cliché and generic. ) make it personal.
the rhymes aren't great, some are missing and the others are expected.
thanks for the read.
thanks for the read.
(02-03-2014, 06:30 AM)LickinLyrics Wrote: Stay close to me so you can bring out my best
And I promise you that I can handle all of the rest
Smile, smile and bring out my best
And I promise you that I can handle all of the rest
Everyday is hard but it won’t stop me
From being myself and feeling so free
Stay close, stay near, smile ear to ear
And when you’re around, I won’t feel the fear
Every bit of happiness counts in our favor
Every bit of joy is such a tasteful flavor
I think of you so often that it fills me full of riches
I’m the richest man full of love’s ambition
I’ll be here to catch you
When you feel like letting go
So let us take this leap now
And let us take it slow
And I’ll be here for you, I swear
I’ll be here, it’s true
That’s why I wrote this song, you know
But I think you already knew
Stay close to me so you can bring out my best
And I promise you that I can handle all of the rest
Smile, smile and bring out my best
And I promise you that I can handle all of the rest
Everyday is hard but it won’t stop me
From being myself and feeling so free
Stay close, stay near, smile ear to ear
And when you’re around, I won’t feel the fear
So here we are again, here we are, here we are again
Playing like we’re friends, like we’re friends, like it’s just pre-tend
I can feel it’s deeper, you’re a keeper, you’re a golden girl
Somewhere in the future I can see that I’ll be holding you
I’ll be here to catch you
When you feel like letting go
So let us take this leap now
And let us take it slow
And I’ll be here for you, I swear
I’ll be here, it’s true
That’s why I wrote this song, you know
But I think you already knew