02-04-2014, 05:51 AM
Thanks for the feedback 
I agree that the first stanza needs some serious work, and I'm glad you could give some. Would this whole poem become more obvious if I told you that it's about sex? The tombs being vaginas, the graveyard cyclically killingunborm eggs referring to menstruation, and the force being a penis, in which case the rain fertilizing the land for a "fruit" should make more sense. I used the word "sin" as a reference to sex. I suppose my intention was not for it to be obvious, though it should certainly be understandable. The last little couplet refers to a human birth, and that humans truly seek the safety of a womb they once had. I'll keep your comments in mind and try to make it more clear. Thank you
I agree that the first stanza needs some serious work, and I'm glad you could give some. Would this whole poem become more obvious if I told you that it's about sex? The tombs being vaginas, the graveyard cyclically killingunborm eggs referring to menstruation, and the force being a penis, in which case the rain fertilizing the land for a "fruit" should make more sense. I used the word "sin" as a reference to sex. I suppose my intention was not for it to be obvious, though it should certainly be understandable. The last little couplet refers to a human birth, and that humans truly seek the safety of a womb they once had. I'll keep your comments in mind and try to make it more clear. Thank you