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Tired
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02-02-2014, 07:52 PM
Everyone pretty much hit the nail here. The I'll is rather repetitive. Humbert has a great solution to that. Cold old age is brilliant. The third line sounds like it has one too many syllables. My suggestion is to nix the "live and…" in line 3 because the whole idea of living is already expressed in the first two lines completely. Or maybe nix die (its used in the second stanza) and use live? It just sounds more fluid to me that way. Hope that helps!
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| Messages In This Thread |
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RE: Tired - by just mercedes - 01-25-2014, 09:51 AM
RE: Tired - by alexanjah1 - 01-29-2014, 01:46 AM
RE: Tired - by Zainabk - 01-29-2014, 11:11 AM
RE: Tired - by LickinLyrics - 02-02-2014, 07:52 PM
RE: Tired - by Alex13 - 02-18-2014, 10:44 AM
RE: Tired - by Bahdriel - 02-27-2014, 01:32 AM
RE: Tired - by 1skylande1 - 03-23-2014, 03:14 PM
RE: Tired - by denniswilson - 04-07-2014, 05:32 AM
RE: Tired - by RiverNotch - 04-28-2014, 09:50 PM
RE: Tired - by moniker - 04-29-2014, 10:11 AM
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