HMS Glory

[Keith]

Edit 1

When uncle Frank came back,
he said he’d been captured,
held behind bamboo walls
while his body ate itself.
Edna gave him rice pudding, (semi-colon)
it nearly killed her.

He gave away a bayonet
and a black-sashed HMS hat, (semi-colon)
things like that scared him.
I hung them on my wall,
but they still shook, (no comma)
when a door slammed.

The chip shop round the corner
changed hands to Mr Yip,
so future fish suppers
were caught in the Volvo. (love these lines)
Edna complained
it was too far to drive, (no comma)
so she cooked.

Frank liked a pint
on a Friday night with the lads
at the Labour club,
mellowed by sitting too long
in his chair, broken by
heart and panic attacks, (period)

I was his taxi collecting at ten
so Edna could relax and meet
with her friends.
Then belching bitter,
he asked me to stop and went
inside Mr Yips for a nice piece of Cod.

He said he’d forgot why he was so angry (should be "forgotten" but it works because I imagine it in the old soldier's speech)
and that Mr Yip seemed a very nice man,
too young to even remember the war, (period)
I called him a pillock and said “that’s his son”
and that was it, just like that (comma)
Frank asked me could he have his hat back, (no comma)
and told me all about the black sash.

By title alone, I didn't expect to enjoy this piece, but it is great.

I marked some very minor punctuation suggestions, but I really enjoyed reading this one.

Thanks for the help BedsideFungus (great name) I will have a tidy up in the edit. Thanks Keith