HMS Glory

[Keith]

the black sash is the band that goes round a sailors hat and bears the name of the ship. in this case hms glory; kieth can correct me if i'm wrong. the glory was a pretty famous british aircraft carrier that ended up being obsolete, it played a role in the surrender of the Japanese

to the poem;
what isn't to like. frank's shell shock would probably be called post distress order or something like in our times.
i think you captured a crusty old sea salt who really couldn't give the sea no matter how he tried. and that the navy was more the man's life than his demise. it something i will read again and would do were it a published poem. this is one of the best poems on the site and something up and coming poets should strive to emulate (the quality)
can fault be found with it..of course mine is

and a HMS hat with a black sash,

could have been better worded

and a black-sashed HMS hat

to make it seen the the sash is part of the hat

but that's nothing in the scheme of things and the poem stands good as is.
if you do edit don't over do it less a really good poem is ruined.
thanks for the read. (can't believe you wrote this, it's amazing how well you've matured as the poet) :J:

Many thanks,You are spot on Billy and too kind. I will of course consider changing the line as it sounds smoother and clarifies the line as you say , I did have it that way round originally but hat as the end rhyme seem to bump into That on the next line and I thought it seemed a little forced, what do you think ?

The site and everyone here has so much to offer, and some with outstanding ability so learning is made easy, I know I still have a long way to go so your words are very encouraging and its always nice to write one that people enjoy. Best Keith

---

Might wanna change the name-- http://directory.thesun.co.uk/13815132. Apparently that's what it is.

I cant seem to follow the link but Yip was the family name of a girl I went to school with and its Chinese to make more of the point.

---

When uncle Frank came back,
he said he’d been in a prison
and his body had eaten itself.
Edna gave him rice pudding
with a blob of jam,
it nearly killed her.

He gave away a bayonet
and a HMS hat with a black sash,
things like that scared him.
I hung them on my wall,
but they still shook,
when a door slammed.

The chip shop round the corner
changed to Mr Yips,
so future fish suppers
were caught in the Volvo.
Edna complained
it was too far to drive,
so she cooked.

Frank liked a pint
on a Friday night with the lads
at the Labour club,
mellowed by sitting to long
in his chair, broken by
heart and panic attacks,

I was his taxi collecting at ten
so Edna could relax and meet
with her friends.
Then belching bitter,
he asked me to stop and went
inside Mr Yips chip shop.

He said he’d forgot why he was so angry
and that Mr Yip seemed a very nice man,
too young to even remember the war,
I called him a pillock and said “that’s his son”
and that was it, just like that
Frank asked me could he have his hat back,
and told me all about the black sash.

Cool poem. Did you mean sitting too long? This reminds me of the opening lines of Richard 3 by shakespeare where Richard says: now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths,/ our bruised arms hung up for monuments,/ our stern alarums changed to merry meetings,/ our dreadful marches to delightful measures

Many thanks Brownlie I did mean too long so thanks I will change that I can honestly this is the first time anyone has considered a link between one of my poems and Shakespeare Best Keith

---

Keith, I like this poem. It tells a good story. Please change "sitting to long" to "sitting too long"...obsessive about those little things...but overall BRILLIANT!! (see you got all caps!)

I usually miss the caps as well thanks for pointing out the too I will get it changed. Best Keith