01-31-2014, 08:54 AM
Loved this Keith. I did have to look up a few things-- Mr Yips for example. But that didn't really take away. From what I understood from Google the black sash was just the name of the ship, so when you say "and told me all about the black sash." you mean he was talking about life on the ship?
Per Leanne's comment, I understood the blob of jam to be red, looked like blood, he freaked out and almost killed Edna (his wife?) before he realized what he was doing. But maybe I'm over dramatizing. That's what it seemed like to me though.
About the last couple stanzas, I agree with nick above that the penultimate rhymes so nicely with such good rhythm that it did throw me off a bit. I didn't understand "Mr Yips chip shop" because it isn't a chip shop anymore, right? Also who did the narrator call a pillock (another word I had to look up)... Mr Yip or the uncle? And if the uncle is literally saying "that's my boy" then "that's his son" shouldn't really be in quotes, right?
Just thoughts. Maybe I'm just getting confused too easily. Overall really enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.
-justcloudy
Per Leanne's comment, I understood the blob of jam to be red, looked like blood, he freaked out and almost killed Edna (his wife?) before he realized what he was doing. But maybe I'm over dramatizing. That's what it seemed like to me though.
About the last couple stanzas, I agree with nick above that the penultimate rhymes so nicely with such good rhythm that it did throw me off a bit. I didn't understand "Mr Yips chip shop" because it isn't a chip shop anymore, right? Also who did the narrator call a pillock (another word I had to look up)... Mr Yip or the uncle? And if the uncle is literally saying "that's my boy" then "that's his son" shouldn't really be in quotes, right?
Just thoughts. Maybe I'm just getting confused too easily. Overall really enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.
-justcloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.