Altoona (1977)

[71degrees]

Ha, I have those then and now at the same time problems, drives readers crazy even though it's clear to me.

What I think about
sometimes
are the box cars
that were coupling

What I think about
sometimes
are the box cars
that coupled

What I think about
sometimes
are the box cars
as they coupled

What I think about
sometimes
is how the box cars
coupled

What I think about
sometimes
is those box cars
coupled

Good luck, figure out how to keep your sound.

Thanks

---

What I remember
sometimes
are the box cars
coupling
????

Although being a less engaged action this may alter your intention.

BTW your word selections create a slow pace despite the brevity of your lines. It works beautifully.

Thank you. A voice of reason. Something to mull.

---

i read the tense to and fro and as a suggestion, i have;

What I think about
sometimes

the box cars
my reason is the title which already shows the poems of another time.

though the shift in tense didn't hinder my read.

the last three lines while pretty take away from the whole image you have going on and tries to wrap it in toffee paper.
other than that it works for me in a good way. without the punctuation i had to read it a couple of times first but i see that as a good thing. a poem should make you want to read it a few times. one should i thing, grow into a decent poem

wish i could be more helpful

Every "little bit" helps. Thanks. (toffee paper? lol )