Rejected (Version 1)

[alatos]

After hearing your explanation of the meaning of the poem, it made sense. But before that, I was totally lost. Now I'm not the best at reading poetry, so take that with a grain of salt. But it seemed very vague. I think it's interesting, but needs more clarity and maybe some more concreteness so the reader can get a better sense of what you're talking about. But again, this is just my two cents. I'm a beginner with poetry so I might be totally wrong.