01-27-2014, 03:01 PM
This is amazing.
I missed the title first time through, and even without that you're imagery was so subtle and yet concrete that I couldn't put my finger on how I arrived at the setting. Brilliant.
The only point I noted was line 2 final stanza. Felt ever so slight too long, tiny piece being a little redundant. Perhaps,
"...barely a sliver
Of cantaloupe..."
Do as you will though, thank you very much.
I missed the title first time through, and even without that you're imagery was so subtle and yet concrete that I couldn't put my finger on how I arrived at the setting. Brilliant.
The only point I noted was line 2 final stanza. Felt ever so slight too long, tiny piece being a little redundant. Perhaps,
"...barely a sliver
Of cantaloupe..."
Do as you will though, thank you very much.