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Tired
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01-25-2014, 09:51 AM
I like the defiant attitude here, and the rhymes and meter all work well. I'm a bit uneasy at the switch in tense, and direct speech not being identified. "I'll", repeated at the start of each line in the first stanza irks me too.
skirt-packed "cold old" works really well, to slow the line right down. Write on! |
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RE: Tired - by just mercedes - 01-25-2014, 09:51 AM
RE: Tired - by alexanjah1 - 01-29-2014, 01:46 AM
RE: Tired - by Zainabk - 01-29-2014, 11:11 AM
RE: Tired - by LickinLyrics - 02-02-2014, 07:52 PM
RE: Tired - by Alex13 - 02-18-2014, 10:44 AM
RE: Tired - by Bahdriel - 02-27-2014, 01:32 AM
RE: Tired - by 1skylande1 - 03-23-2014, 03:14 PM
RE: Tired - by denniswilson - 04-07-2014, 05:32 AM
RE: Tired - by RiverNotch - 04-28-2014, 09:50 PM
RE: Tired - by moniker - 04-29-2014, 10:11 AM
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