Hopeless

[ellajam]

Hi, Ryan, a lot of this has a very nice rhythm, but you abandon it in places. Here are a few notes.

Waist deep in muck, and covered in grime, I sift and I forage in this dark place, my mind.
In search of what, I could not say, but I discovered and to my dismay. discovered, to my dismay,
An abandoned house with border up windows, a chaotic symphony, the voices rise in crescendo boarded up
A lantern without mantel, a conductor with no baton,
Stammering through the darkness, eyelids completely drawn.
Scared and alone in this vast and echoing void,
The hope I once held, now completely destroyed.
In search of something.. Only to find black,
I am nothing, I have no reason to turn back. maybe change "I have" to "with"
Trudging through this abyss of hopelessness and squalor
Reluctantly agreeing with the voices, they're right, I have nothing to offer. maybe cut "reluctantly" and "they're right", or something to tighten this up.
I am a marionette without master, a lantern with no mantel
I am a conductor with no baton, a sparrow without song. I don't see what the poem gains by the repeat here.
All fortitude lost, here I shall stay,
Only echoing voices and black to companion me while I live out my days... accompany

I think you could really gain with an edit here, thanks for the read.