01-23-2014, 07:52 PM
Hi tom
I had a similar reaction to ella's, but for me it's the entire last stanza that seems preachy. The rest is sort of light and clever but poignant, and the end just feels like it's dragging the whole thing down into pseudo-philosophy. I think you could scrap the whole thing. Just my opinion of course.
And I have to say I was a bit disappointed upon reading it and realizing the title was NOT a clever word play about definite articles. ;p Maybe you could change "articles" to "objects" or something like that. I really was expecting a poem about grammar, hehehe. But of course that's not super important.
As a whole though I thought it was a very interesting point of view, and the rhyme scheme caught my attention and was we executed. I'm with ella-- it didn't bother me that the first stanza didn't follow the scheme.
Thanks for sharing!
-justcloudy
I had a similar reaction to ella's, but for me it's the entire last stanza that seems preachy. The rest is sort of light and clever but poignant, and the end just feels like it's dragging the whole thing down into pseudo-philosophy. I think you could scrap the whole thing. Just my opinion of course.
And I have to say I was a bit disappointed upon reading it and realizing the title was NOT a clever word play about definite articles. ;p Maybe you could change "articles" to "objects" or something like that. I really was expecting a poem about grammar, hehehe. But of course that's not super important.
As a whole though I thought it was a very interesting point of view, and the rhyme scheme caught my attention and was we executed. I'm with ella-- it didn't bother me that the first stanza didn't follow the scheme.
Thanks for sharing!
-justcloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.