Sienna at Burnt Twilight

[Erthona]

ellajam,

Are you just playing with me? It's like a geni in a bottle. Death is the fourth horseman of the apocalypse, if he has been released (by breaking his urn)then the other 3 are also free. I'll concede tumbled is a bit hap-hazarded, "oops, bumped the table, broke the urn, let death out. Now I have to male a new urn, do tons of conjuration spells...he is always so testy when he has to come in from playing. Oh Bother!

Dale

Hey, Dale, Good Morning.

I have no problem with what you meant with "void", I just thought the word itself landed with a bit of a thud.

I got the sickle of death, then stumbled over tumble. If it's dead does it matter what happens to its body? If its sliced open could we put it back together had it not shattered? I think not. In your note to beaufort you say it was just marked with a sickle. It was marked for death then accidentally fell? No. Maybe I shouldn't be taking tumble as accidentally but I do. Maybe it will fall into place for me.

(and you can have any kind of sandwich you want, just show up for lunch)

---

Codry,

"sick" is not a verb to end it with ed
sickled it's not a word per see after all it does not exist in the dictionary
Maybe sickened which is an adverb.

According to "Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary" 'sickled' is a word

Sic"kled\, a. Furnished with a sickle.
Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.


It is an "adjective" (the root word is sickle, which is a noun) and modifies the noun, which in this case is urn. The urn was sickled, in other words the urn has the image painted, or emblazoned upon it in some way.
---------------------------------------------------------
Frankly that's a rule in poetry, to start with a word that has a capital. Otherwise it will look like you ran out space to write it on the previous row.

A capital will always announce the beginning of a new verse.

And what authoritative reference do you cite that this is true? I was unaware of any authoritative rulebook on versification. Having one would save us all a great amount of time as we tend to debate endlessly about points of style.


Talking about "so close and so far away" cliche theme that you commented upon my poem .... your whole poem it's about just that ... isn't that ironic? don't you think, Alanis ?lol

I try never to think

Actually I was not commenting upon the "theme", which is quite archetypal, no I was commenting on the phrase "so close, but yet so far away" as being cliche. If you can find the same or similar phrase in three separate pop songs, then I do think it is cliche, and probably needs fresher language, but that is the great difficulty with writing love poetry, it is nearly impossible to not fall into a cliche.

n'est-ce pas ma chérie?

Dale

---

Thanks Tom,

Quite the yeoman's duty to muddle through the whole thing, I appreciate the effort.

Did I ban "void"? Damn. The problem is that section is going to come out cliche no matter how you hoist it.

I think I agree with most everything you said, nothing like a sardonic cynic to shoot a piece of love poetry all to hell. (a thousand holes in blackburn lancashire)

I think you are better at love poetry than I, as you have no soul, and thus are not tempted to wander into sentimentality. I on the other hand have not quite gotten rid of all my soul (although I have sold it off a number of times, there are these wispy pieces that keep coming back).

wispy pieces,
return like feces,
floating down love's canal,
wispy pieces,
soul of feces,
where does that leave me now?

Well I think it is time to shelve this one for about a year with a copy of all the critiques (and there have been some very good comments), until I have excised (definition 2) my soul into indifference.

Thanks again Tom, as always your insightful cruel wit keeps the bromance alive.

XOXOXO

Dale