Off sick-- edit 2

[rowens]

I said not very drastic, the least change can affect tone. But that's true of sound too, and it still needs to sound good while creating or maintaining a tone.

I'll read your other one.

I plodded through a box of tissues today.

The plodded is O.K.; maybe it's a word you use naturally, who knows? The opening line as a one sentence statement is something I see a lot lately. I don't think any of them have been strong enough to hold such a lofty position.


Now giant cotton popcorn overflows
a pail-turned-trashcan, resting

That kind of writing, the outright images seem kind of cheap to me, it's the way people write these days and have for decades, I know, but it somehow feels cheap to me. I might elaborate more on that later.
I like hyphenated ideas, how disparate ideas are merged that way; but many people already call a trashcan a pail, so it isn't very effective and feels like wasted space.


where my feet should be.
But they’re curled between
orange plush and me,
twisting round while trying
to keep ten toes from turning
into small frozen cherries,
like those my sisters would eat
on scorching days,
far from here.