haiku sort of by inferior human

[ellajam]

I don't think that this demonstrates my most important problems with writing, and I didn't want my first poem to be a haiku. But, I just thought of this, so:

fallen baby birds
gentle dog and friend of mine
killing birds for fun

I think it's too blunt, for one thing.

Hi, cheyrn, a few suggestions:

L2: Cut "and friend of mine", using either gentle dog or friendly dog.

L3: Cut "bird", using killing for fun, killer instinct, or just "killing".

Strong image, hope this helps.