A girl named Lustful Sin

[kingmicahde]

Another thing to consider is your rhythm, then there are the punctuation and spelling and other basic grammar issues.

rhythm and grammer possibly puntuation falls under grammer so also a possiblly spelling haha ya I can't spell. But as a recording artist the way you see things when you read them aloud is two different things so the Rhythm is a debatable thing. I also have to say grammer just because someone says something differently in poetry does not make one more the right way and the other wrong. Shakespere for example.

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The subject of your poem is fine. It's a good subject to write about. It's just not written very well. Some of what you say would read better if you worked out the images, metaphors and things without forcing your lines to rhyme. You can rhyme, there's nothing wrong with that, but not at the expense of better working out the other things. Maybe the best way to explain is that it feels rushed.

Hmm see as a person against the "freeverse" style I see where you are coming from I feel the direct opposite so I guess we have to agree to disagree. My word choice was used to make a rhyme yes there is other words that can be used there is always other words that can be used. As a non freeverse poet I use words that do rhyme. But as for being rushed I am not sure how you interpreted that maybe a better word would be chopy due to the lines being short in some areas

Writing with rhyme requires an understanding of meter which is a pretty difficult skill all by itself.

The choices aren't just "free verse" or "forced rhyme" btw, rhyme can be written to sound quite natural and pleasant. This poem just doesn't manage that.

I am eating my pudding because pudding is good