A girl named Lustful Sin

[rowens]

The subject of your poem is fine. It's a good subject to write about. It's just not written very well. Some of what you say would read better if you worked out the images, metaphors and things without forcing your lines to rhyme. You can rhyme, there's nothing wrong with that, but not at the expense of better working out the other things. Maybe the best way to explain is that it feels rushed.