Underneath

[tomoffing]

In the darkest hour of indigo night
under blackberry sky sugared with light, this is truly excellent.
the inviting mouths of lovers new
perform the acts that lovers do.

Curtains drawn to a close.
We slip out of clothing and into roles. I tripped ever so slightly here. 1 foot too many. Slipped from clothing into roles perhaps??
Under covers to warm and conceal
the chill of beings yet unrevealed. I don't agree with the critique that this stanza is filler. Presents the scene for the rest of the poem really well for me.

What magic in your searching eyes
coaxes me to swallow lies?
Though my body's bare as desert land
you unzip me with your slight of hand.

My inner workings, strong as bricks,
are no match for your heart-melting tricks.
Your piercing gaze splitting up my sides,
my back exposed, then butterflied. Butterflied is perfect for me here. I imagine an arching back. Brilliantly done if that's what you intended

Your tongue and fingers, skillful keys,
prod and poke to taunt and tease.
Though I've never been a chatterbox,
the sheets are littered with my busted locks. Not sure about these two lines. Chatterbox, littered, busted locks conflict somewhat with the more tender images and tones. More likely I who's missing the point though.

As the floodgates dry at the source,
and our dialogue runs its course,
we end our explorations within,
and, ravenous, yearn for the taste of skin. I'd remove the first comma.

My satin freed from armor plates great image of disarming
hugs your muscles, wraps round your waist.
You palm these mountains, taste these plains,
tongue racing across my dark terrain.

In the heat of one another's core
we melt and blend evermore,
articulating what we could not before
through thrust and word, spoken for.

This is really beautiful. Effortless flow and rhyme, it's descriptive, intimate and graphic without being sophomoric, obvious or overbearing.
I will be reviewing everything I've written on the subject in light of this.

Thank you very much.