01-11-2014, 07:11 AM
It might come together better if you have a stronger opening. If you can change and rearrange the words leading to that fourth line. That fourth line that might would sound better as something like
Woe to man as a change in climate begins.
So far it's too rough to say much about. You could look at all the times you use 'and', 'the' and 'as' in the first four lines as you try to smooth things out.
Woe to man as a change in climate begins.
So far it's too rough to say much about. You could look at all the times you use 'and', 'the' and 'as' in the first four lines as you try to smooth things out.