entropy v4

[milo]

entropy

His big scared eye stares, vacant, pink, dumb,
and as offensive as a broken clock.
I toss him. He tumbles, freezes, shocked. iTOSS himheTUM blesFREE zesSHOCKED
A teary scotch heats my belly numb. aTEA rySCOTCH HEATSmy BELly NUMB
My brother baits me, "One?" And off he slumps
into the kitchen for a beer. They're gone.
Talks about how they talked about the law, TALKSa BOUTHOW theyTALKED aBOUT theLAW
of all things, the fawn, at the freezer, crumbling. ofALL THINGSthe FAWNat theFREE zerCRUMB ling

I want a wolf to cover us in blood,
rip their heads off, eat the patient doctors,
fling the stocks, the shots, the muzzles, scatter pharmacies like Jesus, get drunk,
howl down the moon, then pop some suds,
and toast that fucking rabbit.

But, on the other hand, there's entropy . . .

Cutting brush at noon today, I saw
a green tail glide over broken holly aGREEN tailGLIDE Over BROken HOLly
leaves, slowly, poorly camouflaged.
It was Christmas, sleeting, and I thought,
it's sub-freezing. Aren't snakes under rocks, it'sFREE zingarentSNAKES underROCKS
hidden? And I wondered what had got
him, what had scared him into the stinging frost [/b]himWHAT hadSCARED himinTO theSTING ingFROST[/b]
And I thought, "Can a snake get cold? Can a snake feel lost?" andiTHOUGHT canaSNAKE getCOLD canaSNAKE feelLOST

My father saw it and took a hoe and chopped myFA therSAW itandTOOK aHOE andCHOPPED
its neck. Or another snake's. They look a lot itsNECK oraNO therSNAKES theyLOOK aLOT
the same. He tried to toss it, but it got
caught in a tree, where it hangs. My brother's lost. CAUGHT inaTREE whereitHANGS myBRO thersLOST *
He finally pulls in past three. He pauses, heFIN nallyPULLS INpast THREE
Breathes, and walks across the way, faceless.

My father grins and hugs him around the neck, myFATH erGRINS andHUGS HIMa ROUNDthe NECK
and a cop turns around in the cul-de-sec, andaCOP turnsaROUND intheCUL deSAC
and it seems like no one finds this place except anditSEEMS likeNO oneFINDS thisPLACE exCEPT
on accident. I take off my gloves, and in onAC ciDENT iTAKE offmyGLOVES and IN
no time flat, the heat goes out of them,
and I sit down behind a pile of leaves andiSIT DOWNbe HINDa PILEof LEAVES
and pretend I’m somewhere else, where there is andpreTEND imSOME whereELSE wherethereIS*

No help, and therefore there is no need. noHELP andTHERE forethereIS noNEED
Where the wolves would have you long before the grief. wheretheWOLVES wouldHAVE youLONG beFORE theGRIEF


--I'm looking for help w meter, but let me know if you think there's other issues or if you think the meter's fine

I scanned the irregularities for you.

you missed L1

hisBIG scaredEYE staresVA cantPINK (caes)DUMB

it is normal, no reason to call it out. The main problem opening this way is all of the demotion I have to do reading it - words like scared and stares really want the accent but they are demoted.