Superpowers '14

[billy]

it's an unusual rhyme scheme but it works okay.
though the if lines are cliche i think they work as well. they are made of and place in a comic book world. i read the poem as a fun thing, but there is an underlying feel of self doubt, of wanting to liked etc. using caps on every line doesn't add to the poem. the meter feels okay. though it isn't consistent the sing song effect of the poem drags it along at a speed that negates it being too strict. (not sure if that makes sense even to me. ) while it's not a classic, it does have some entertainment value about it.

If I could leap tall buildings
In a single bound (accounting flags and poles):

I’d gander from a height
Upon the giddy apex of my flight
And know that I am much too far
From those who stick the streets with heavy soles. i'd suggest [away] to start the line


If I could outrun bullets,
Be they from a hand- or wholly mental gun: i like this line, it's a hidden gem that makes the whole poem a bit more than what it is. it makes the daydreamer real and shows some insecurity. is the [a] needed?

I’d stare the barrel down
To meet my cocky marksman with a frown
And as he takes his shot yell “cheese!”-
Devoid of challenge, making pointless fun.


If I could push a steam train
Off its resolute and predetermined track:

I’d firstly have to see
If all its passengers would rather come with me
Or travel as they were before -
If so, I’d be obliged to take them back.


If I were made of steel,
Tempered so I stood while all of Earth burned white;

I’d have another skill
To waft and waggle idly at my will -
A pencil in the fervent hand
Of one with nought to say and less to write. this line is out of balance with the hero, and feels as if it should be in another poem.


If I possessed one talent
That could come by way of deed, or script, or song:

I’d be “the Bane of Cares,
Recurring Doubt and Dread” – I’m he who wears
A smile that neuters Kryptonite
(And undies where they properly belong). my favourite line for obvious reasons.