A Terza Rima Sonnet Attempt

[milo]

What secret sins support you as you stand, A
while helpless fall in worship at your feet? B
Your smile shows no fear of reprimand; A

that voice drips down into their ears so sweet. B
You stoop into their midst to touch weak hands. A
They would not dare to dream the thing they greet. B

Are you the face of freedom in these lands? A
My sons and daughter bound: you forge the chains, C
and carve in stone your wishes as commands. A

But do you fuel the sun with love? Are rains C
distilled above, then unleased by your grace? D
Repent! For there is more to life than gains, C

and everything on Earth is not a race. D
Be still, and breathe the vast expanse of space. D

A terza rima sonnet should be ABA BCB CDC DED EE I believe, you did ABA BAB ACA CDC DD

I think you mis spelled unleashed.

What falls in worship at "your" feet? "sins"?
What is helpless?

Dripping into their ears "so sweet" is actually dripping sweetly, So sweet would be an inversion and padding.

They would not dare to dream the thing they greet - what on earth does this mean in English?

I think "forge" would have to be past tense as your sons and daughters are already bound.

"carved in stone" is cliche

wishes as commands is playing off of a cliche.

For the most part I have no clear idea of what this is about. It reads like a list of statements that don't add up to a whole about someone but i can't figure out anything about the addressee at all. Some times they seem to be in charge and sometimes they seem to be a pawn.

i feel like the pronouns are working against you. It is tough to trace the "they"'s and the "you"'s as well as the narrator through the poem logically.

Thanks for posting it is a good effort.