12-12-2013, 12:09 PM
Hi alatos, trying my first hand at critique
I concur with keith, about the poem starting at paw prints. If you removed the first four lines it'd almost work well, flowingly, but then you lack the setting (context).
The ending is shockingly incommensurate with the rest of the poem but it makes made laugh when I reread it. You could do a version that is consistent with the tone of the poem. It is as if you building a sand castle and just before we had time to appreciate the whole thing, in its wholeness, you pounced on it.
I concur with keith, about the poem starting at paw prints. If you removed the first four lines it'd almost work well, flowingly, but then you lack the setting (context).
The ending is shockingly incommensurate with the rest of the poem but it makes made laugh when I reread it. You could do a version that is consistent with the tone of the poem. It is as if you building a sand castle and just before we had time to appreciate the whole thing, in its wholeness, you pounced on it.