The Family in the Waiting Room Wants More - 2nd Revision

[justcloudy]

This is very beautiful beaufort, I've been following the comments and am personally very pleased with the revision. Only a couple small nits.

The Family in the Waiting Room Wants More - Revision

But there is nothing more I have to give.
Although it can no longer speak, As others have noted, readers don't necessarily understand it's a child until later in the poem, and this line adds to that. But honestly I'm not sure if it's really a problem.
the body has a language of its own;
a code of breath, of beat and pallor.

In the faint blue of this insubstantial skin,
I place neat black sutures, taking extra care
to make them beautiful and even,
a steady hand my last remaining offering. I agree with the general consensus here that this is basically perfect. =]

This small body,
nearly translucent in its lightness, I love the double meaning of lightness.
let loose from binding pain,
slowly, wordlessly exhales.Right here is the biggest problem I have with the revision. We already know "it can no longer speak" so wordlessly is quite redundant. Maybe soundlessly?

My own throat suddenly as dry as hers,
my bones aching now and old, The "and old" strikes me a bit odd, especially since it's the transition from the hospital room to the hallway... but I think it can work.
I make my way down the long sterile hall
to speak the language of death.

So those are my thoughts. Honestly this is a beautiful, beautiful piece of poetry full of delicate emotions, skirting around heartbreak. Well done.

-justcloudy