Rube Barb

[milo]

I read it with spondees. The title was meant to set that up . . . If the following reading is unavailable, let me know. Also, I'd say, not defensively (meaning emotionally) but defensively regarding assonance, that if you read the original out loud, the internal rhyme compensates. Here's my scansion of the octave:

RAPture IS a GRACE-FILLED HAND
PIE-in-the-FACE. RIGHT? MAN, FUCK
this FUCKing PLACE. We're MEANT to SUCK
On CREAM that CAUSes US PAIN and THEN [edit there]
apOLoGIZE? We're CLOWNS, so WE underSTAND
a LOT about HARD LUCK prat FALLS yuck YUCK
TEN BUCKS for US to FUCK UP
and SHRUG to the SCHMUCKS in the GRAND STAND--[caesura]

Steer me right, there . . .

RAPture isaGRACE filledHAND - troche, anapest, iamb (alternatively RAPture ISa GRACEfilled HAND which would make it trochaic but promote the prep)
PIEin theFACE RIGHTman FUCK - troche, iamb troche catalyzedtroche
thisFUCK ingPLACE we;reMEANT toSUCK 4 iambs, first metric line, iambic tetrameter
onCREAM thatCAUS esusPAIN andTHEN - iamb, iamb, anapest, iamb
aPOL oGIZE wereCLOWN soweUN derSTAND - iamb, iamb, iamb, anapest, iamb
aLOT aBOUT HARDluck PRATfalls yuckYUCK - iamb, iamb, troche, troche, iamb
tenBUCKS forUS toFUCK UP -iamb iamb iamb catalexistroche
andSHRUG totheSCHMUCKS intheGRAND STAND - iamb anapest anapest catalexistroche

pretty much, you have 1 metric line.

It is a mess.

not a single spondee

NOTE: In English scansion, three hard beats or three soft beats will ot occur in succession. A promotion or a demotion will occur.