Rube Barb

[milo]

Rube Barbs

Rapture is a grace-filled-hand
Pie-in-the-face. Right? Man, fuck
This fucking place. We're meant to suck
On cream that causes us pain and
Then apologize? We're clowns, so we understand
A lot about hard luck prat falls yuck yuck
Ten bucks for us to fuck up
And shrug to the schmucks in the grand stand—

But that's how we get to Heaven? Who's in charge here?
God? This may look painted on, but tears,
My shoulders going up and down: I'm trying
To look like I'm laughing. I just can't believe . . .
I'm devastated. I'm the punchline to the one about human beings.
But the French horns swell, and the machine spotlights me.

rhyme really doesn't work at all without meter. I see you are trying the general form of a petrarchan but this might be better run through the practice forums until it at least gets the basics down. Maybe just try a few stanzas of blank verse until you get the rhythm down:

this is what it would look like if the meter was fixed -

Rapture shivers like a grace-filled-hand,
a pie right in the face, like what the fuck
is with this place it's like we're meant to suck
the pain that causes us to take a stand
and then apologize? Well aint that grand.
We know the slap stick pratfulls - know the yuck
the whoopie cushion cheap laughs for a buck
and shrug up to the wankers in the band

But that's the route to heaven, who's in charge -
God? Painted tears are small as he's too large
to see my shoulders up and down, I'm trying
to emulate a laugh, I can't believe . .
I'm devastated, a human punchline crying
but French horns swell - the big top spotlights me.

I don't know if you can hear it yet as I don't know your experience with meter. Anyway, it would still have severe problems, but I would fix the rhyme and meter first as it is painful right now.