12-11-2013, 01:59 AM
(12-11-2013, 12:36 AM)HalfOpenArms Wrote: The "ands" seem like meter padding. I think the sigh is a little too blunt: the reader knows how the narrator feels about the pollution by his tone. The original ending was much better.I agree with the 'and' comment, but I think the 'sigh' has something too it. It evokes more than just contempt at pollution (my contempt was more against just man spoiling the serenity of the bay in the morning); to me it also reveals relief at escaping all the noise and commotion. Fixed the 'and'.