12-10-2013, 11:26 PM
Hi,
I've been away for a while but your poem has drawn me back in.
Not much time right now so will hope to come back later, but just was going to make a comment on the title for now.
Your current title gives me a thought from the poem that follows that you wanted to convey the idea that it was too early for Christmas. (It is 23rd Dec and he is only just putting the tree up). So as it stands it is delivering but I can see what you are perhaps disatisfied with. It seems a bit flat and is not really delivering anything untill after the poem has been explored.
I have been giving this some thought but to be honest all of my suggestions are not much improvment.
But here they are for your consideration:-
Something along the lines of a best before date / expiry date or even a lot number for Dec 23rd.
Without the mistletoe.
(love salty gripes)
All the best AJ.
I've been away for a while but your poem has drawn me back in.
Not much time right now so will hope to come back later, but just was going to make a comment on the title for now.
Your current title gives me a thought from the poem that follows that you wanted to convey the idea that it was too early for Christmas. (It is 23rd Dec and he is only just putting the tree up). So as it stands it is delivering but I can see what you are perhaps disatisfied with. It seems a bit flat and is not really delivering anything untill after the poem has been explored.
I have been giving this some thought but to be honest all of my suggestions are not much improvment.
But here they are for your consideration:-
Something along the lines of a best before date / expiry date or even a lot number for Dec 23rd.
Without the mistletoe.
(love salty gripes)
All the best AJ.