Dusk

[Magpie]

Short poems scare me, so I thought I'd try one out. Thoughts appreciated.

_____________________

As day falls into night
and rising dark envelops
I sit on high rise stoop
watching three stars rise.

Hi justcloudy, the more I read this poem the more I'm beginning to really like it. I know you said that you weren't trying to write a haiku but I think it could possibly benefit from a haiku approach without the haiku structure. I would suggest thinking about dropping the first line and have it read something like

As rising dark envelops
I sit on high rise stoop
watching three stars rise.

"as rising dark envelops" together with the title would imply "As day falls into night" making it redundant. I agree about not having an 'a' before 'high rise stoop'. I did agree with the previous comment about the repetition of rise until I noticed 'rising', so I'm presuming three rises are intentional for three stars (orion?) perhaps then three lines could also work as a representation of three stars also.
Hope some of what I've said makes sense. Long poetry scares me, but I know what you mean about short poetry being scary also....
it's all damn scary....