12-10-2013, 12:42 AM
(12-09-2013, 12:42 PM)Speaktaboo Wrote: She could pull a smile out of the mouth of hell.I often post "parts" of things. Is this? Obviously, some grammatical things need to be "fixed" to maintain some sort of being consistent, but to be honest, I like non-punctuated pieces and love to see this go all the way just to add to the "Twilight Zone" atmosphere. I like the fact I don't know she's dead until half way through. Your images are perfect at the beginning. After your break, not so much and that was disappointing to me. Very general in the 2nd half. Abstract, even. The last line is the only one rivaling the upper half. It's a keeper.
I had never seen dead sunflowers printed on a dress.
I watched her, Skipping moss covered stones in a dry lake;
chasing butterflies around bodies unburied.
She was the last of them.
The last of us.
It had been eleven days since she'd eaten
A mug half filled with water on her last day she looked back on the wars.
I think she was 11 or 12.
11.
Infantries and investors.
Doctors, scientists, the churches.
The ones we dont see, the inbetween.
She was inbetween.
Now she was the only.
before she got too weak she would play and play.
She was never afraid.
Never cried.
She didnt even drink the water
I so like the beginning...match that intensity.

