A New Psalm

[trailertrash]

One day you notice
your favorite shirt
is hot red, not blue

the outside porch lights
are shaped like pineapples

you wonder if today is the day
for that epiphany you’ve been
waiting for all your life

Maybe your lover is now Irish,
a lassie who leans her head
slightly to the right when she
kisses you. Someone knocks;

you eagerly open the door;
a lilied field stretches beyond
everything you will ever know
[/quote]

I disagree about changing "hot red" to "hot pink"; it totally gives new meaning to the line, for me. "Hot red" doesn't have feminine connotations, "hot pink" is an unarguably feminine juxtaposition to masculine blue. Is that what you're going for? Pineapple-shaped porch lights and 'hot red' bring words like 'torrid' or 'sultry' to mind.

As for the epiphany stanza, I would go for a reword; e.g., "you wonder if today that long-awaited epiphany will appear".

I would rather read, "eagerly, you open the door; a lilied field stretching beyond all you will ever know"; more dynamic, less passive. Sorry if that was redundant.

Liking it. Would appreciate clarity about the shirt colors, if you wouldn't mind.